Lets get this out of the way. Like a timeout, its over faster if you just get it done now.
OK... Go to YouTube
Type in "Barbie Girl"
Watch this until you begin to bang your head into the wall.
When your head is bleeding, keep going.
Once the concussion sets in, you're free to go.
This is the punishment we should all endure for the massive fail from the pitching last night.
I'll get to that in a second.
First thing's first... theres something we really need to talk about.
Is the National League really this much easier?
What on earth is going on here?
Why did Smoltz and Penny both completely make opposing teams wet themselves during their debut?
It makes no sense!
There are a few explanations but I'm not sure I like their implications:
A) National League hitters suck.
B) National League pitchers don't generally pound the inside corner.
C) National League is where washed up pitchers go to shine.
Lets break down what's wrong with these...
A) Ok, first off... NO. Albert Pujols, done.
Also, the team Penny shut down last night... was THE PHILLIES.
C'mon now... Ryan Howard, Shane Victorino, Raul Ibanez, Jason Weyrth, Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley... Really? I don't see how this works.
B) While this IS the most viable option I don't see how this works. Look at what happens when Lincecum or Lee gets messed up. These pitchers entirely rely on pitches that break both ways. I'm sure they pound the inside quite a bit. Also, if this were true, wouldn't all NL pitchers going to the AL completely fall flat on their face?
What about the recent domination of Billy Wagner? How do you explain this?
What about C.C. Sabathia? Anyone?
Josh Beckett? (Despite the recent bluh)
Curt Shilling?
Yeah... that's what i thought.
C) N-O. There are small things that change a pitcher, and while this may work initially because hitters aren't used to them, it won't turn out well in the long run.
Notice Marquis this year for the Rockies, he changed teams but he's not pounding out everyone. He didn't move league
Also George Sherill is in no way washed up, nor is Huston Street.
So someone please explain this to me?
My theory: Penny had 11 days of rest, his next start will suck.
Smoltz was VERY CLEARLY tipping pitches. I've seen the clip reels. His grip FACED the batter in Boston.
Ok... enough of this gibberish. Time to get to better things:
FYI: Bigger topics get better treatment so you'll notice a flipping of who I mention first based on what happened during the games.
Colorado: Ew... It Smells Like Yankee
Scruffy is now officially part of the Rockies. Good job Scruffy.
Anyway. Eliminating the fact that Yankee players make me want to throw large blunt objects at random strangers, I think I'll be getting around to liking this one.
In order to avoid using his name. I'll refer to him as the person he looks most like: Scruffy from Futurama.
Scruffy comes in to pinch hit with the bases loaded. I didn't expect much. Actually, All I was looking for was a sac fly. Instead, Scruffy lined it over the second baseman for a two RBI double. Thats production folks.
Anyway. The mets continued to get destroyed as Jiminez the Slayer continued to mow down the opposition despite some control issues along the way.
Seth Smith, aka The Best Pinch Hitter in Baseball, showed us again that he happens to have magical clutch powers. We already know his batting goes up in the clutch, which defies all logic, but we got to see it again tonight with a nice home run to CENTER FIELD. Jeez, center field at Coors? Thats deep. Nobody hits there.
Tonight, the ace Marquis comes on. I'm rooting for you (and so are my fantasy points... help me win my last matchup!)
Boston: Guys? Are We Getting Lazy?
So it has come to my attention we have a mystery on our hands folks. I first notice this on Ms. Jane Heller's blog.
AJ Burnett has disappeared from the world of aces.
BUT WAIT... this doesn't seem to be an isolated incident. We seem to have a pandemic. This is bigger than Swine Flu. This is Ace Flu.
It isn't a disappearance of an ace. I believe AJ Burnett has contracted the Ace Flu.
Look at the others who have contracted the ace flu:
Josh Beckett
Roy Halladay
Chad Billingsly
Mark Buehrle
and recent possible cases:
Cliff Lee's horrendous outing
J.A. Happ's total misstep to the Giants
Carlos Zambrano struggles
Jarrod Washburn's current problems
Folks... I know two people we need to talk to who have been steadily recovering from the Ace Flu. I believe these three were the source and they passed it along but they now seem to be getting better.
Barry Zito has had a BAD case of the Ace Flu for awhile now, but in the second half he seems to be shutdown.
Scott Kazmir seems to have gotten over it.
Ervin Santana is on the road to recovery as well recently.
We should be looking at these three, taking blood samples, and making a vaccine for this NASTY illness.
Enough of my rambling... lets get back to the more important matter
THE PEN SEEMS TO BE HALF ASLEEP
(not talking to you Wagner, Papelbon)
Beckett's situation was explained above, but the club decided they weren't going to let him lose again and they starting hitting runs like it was nobody's business. THEN THE PROBLEMS ENTERED. I guess someone had to wake up Delcarmen and Ramirez prior to bringing them to the bullpen to warm.
They came out on the mound and pitched like they were hung over.
Lets fix this guys....
Anyway...
Tonight its Boy Wonder and the 2009 Red Sox vs David Price and the 2011 Red Sox.
Clay has been solid lately, and I'd definitely like to see more of that.
ALSO... i'm pretty sure the Rays aren't familiar with Clay's pitching. This works with the Yanks, lets see if it works in Tampa.
The bats seem to be hot lately, so I think we have a VERY VERY good shot to win this series.. I expect it. Lets get our stuff together.
Avoiding Swine Flu,
-Mike